Dear Maya
by CrazyBade
Summary: If you can rely on someone the same way you can rely on the sun to rise every morning then only then does that person deserve your trust, Maya." I'm gulping right now while writing this because the memory is just so clear that it's heart-breaking. I guess it's heart-breaking because I know that I lost your trust the second I put my mouth on Lucas' while you were engaged to him.
1. Dear Maya (Letter 1)

Dear Maya,

Maya, I get that I hurt you. I know that I shattered our friendship rock beyond repair. However, that wasn't me, Maya. At least, I wasn't myself that afternoon. Can you please just let me explain everything? Look, I had just gotten the news that Lucas proposed to you. You…you have absolutely no idea how that felt to hear. You have no freaking idea, especially considering the fact that I wasn't even over him, Maya. I told you that I was over him, I know. I told you that when you started dating him in our sophomore year of high school, but I was lying. Maya, I need you to realize that I loved you like a sister. I couldn't've just let you sacrifice your own happiness with him because of me. Oh, and don't say that you wouldn't've because I know you, Maya. You were my protector. You were always there for me, Maya. Look, do you remember the time when you broke the pipe and it sprayed water everywhere? It was during your "Homework Rebellion" plan. Anyhow, it pretty much rained in the classroom. After that disaster, I remember us riding the subway back to my place when you looked at me with a sadness that broke my heart. You tried to tell me that my father was gonna end the friendship, Maya You warned me that you always went too far and that it probably wasn't going to stop anytime soon. You said that you were a bad example for me. Do you remember that? God, I do. I remember because of what I said back to you. I told you that it wasn't up to my father. I told you that I was making this world my own now. I'm sure you remember what I said after, Maya. I wrapped my hand around your own and said, "Because if this is my world now, the first person I want in it is you."

Let me tell you something, Maya. That started changing around our freshman year of high school. However, the part where I wanted you to be the first person in my world didn't change. I still wanted that. It just slowly changed to something more meaningful. As our friendship grew stronger you slowly became a bigger part of my world. You…you became my own sun, Maya. I know that's confusing, so I'm going to explain what I mean. Look, do you remember the time I explained to you what trust was, Maya? You always had trouble trusting people. It never came naturally to you the same way it did for me. You were terrified of trusting people and you didn't know who you could trust at the time. Do you remember? I remember it clearly because what I said to you made me realize how much I actually trusted you, Maya. I said, "If you can rely on someone the same way you can rely on the sun to rise every morning then only then does that person deserve your trust, Maya." I'm gulping right now while writing this because the memory is just so clear that it's heart-breaking. I guess it's heart-breaking because I know that I lost your trust the second I put my mouth on Lucas' while you were engaged to him. I…I just can't talk about that right now, Maya. This letter is going to end up being so horrendously long just because of the fact that I keep pushing it off. I guess I just don't know how I can ask for your forgiveness after doing something so back-stabbing to you. How can I bring myself to ask for your forgiveness when I had the nerve to try to steal your fiancé after everything you've done for me? The answer? I can't, Maya. So yes, I will apologize soon. I will explain to you what made me do such a vicious thing to you, but I won't ask for your forgiveness. How can I? Don't expect it in this letter though. I just don't think I have it in me right now. You'll be receiving more soon enough though and I hope you'll write me back at least once.

You were my sun because you were always there, Maya. You never failed to pull through for me, not once. I was the innocent one that believed bullies would never mess with me. I was the naive one that believed the world could be perfect if I just tried a little harder. Maya, I never realized how much you did for me until sophomore year of college when I didn't have you around anymore. I didn't realize something until you were gone, Maya. I never realized that the darkness could become real if I didn't have my sun to help shield it from me. I didn't have you, Maya. Well, you were there, but you weren't the Maya I knew.

I need to let you know that sophomore year of college for me was pure hell. I don't blame you. However, you made it a living nightmare to the point where I became terrified of you. You slowly stopped being my sun, and became the darkness that I always ran from. You went from being my personal heaven to my personal hell in the time it took me to steal one kiss from your fiancé. Likewise, I knew I deserved it, Maya. I deserved it every time you would blatantly kiss him in front of me. I saw you tauntingly smirk at me through your sapphire-blue eyes full of hatred each time. I remember him grabbing onto your waist and kissing you back with just as much passion. However, I noticed. I caught onto your game as soon as it started. You were never big on public displays of affection in high school, or even in our freshman year of college, Maya. After I kissed your fiancé though and we all came back for our sophomore year of college, it was like you made it your personal goal to shove your tongue down his throat every time you caught sight of me. Can I just ask you something? How come you did that, Maya? I mean I know I deserved it, but the Maya I knew wouldn't have ever done that to anyone. So, why did you? Why did you stoop as low as I did, Maya? I guess that's what I'm asking. To be honest though, I don't even know if I'm gonna get a letter back from you. Will I?

Sincerely,

Riley Matthews


	2. Hello Matthews (Letter 1)

Matthews,

I don't know what to say to you! Oh, and if I'm being honest, I don't even know where to begin with you either. I wasn't even going to write back to you, Matthews. However, I had the unfortunate bad luck of Lucas coming up behind me, while I was reading your letter. He then suggested that it would be healthy for me to get proper "closure". Obviously, from you. Don't you dare think that he's still not disgusted by you for backstabbing me though! You even back-stabbed him. He was not suggesting to help you. My husband wasn't looking out for you. He was looking out for me. Again, that should be obvious. I mean it's obvious to anyone with at least half a brain. Then again though, Lucas proposing to me that night should have made it obvious to you that he wasn't in love with you. You just didn't have a brain though, did you? You instead decided to put your slutty mouth on my fiancé; your best friend's fiancé. Let me just ask you a question. Did I ever cross your mind that morning? My feelings? Did you ever think about how I would feel? Did it ever cross your mind at least once? How gut-wrenchingly devastated I would feel upon seeing my best friend kissing. I mean couldn't you feel Lucas's struggling? I saw it all. The many times he tried to push you away from him. Lucas would've knocked you to the ground, but he didn't want to hurt a woman. Likewise, he also didn't want to kiss you, but you did it anyways. Do you remember that morning? Do you remember it at all? I do. I can clearly still recall the overwhelming giddiness I felt while driving to your house that next morning. The morning after the night Lucas proposed to me. Yeah, I was heading over there to tell you everything!I was going over there to tell my _best friend_ everything! She was the best friend that was obviously _going_ to be my maid of honor. She was the best friend that was _supposed_ to be my maid of honor. She was the kind of best friend that I knew I didn't even need to _ask_ to be my maid of honor. I knew she would just _know_!

You know what the sad thing is though, Matthews? The sad thing isn't even that I opened up your front door in the first place. The sad thing wasn't even when I saw you straddling him on the couch. The sad thing wasn't even when I saw you drape your arms around his neck, just barely leaning in. The sad thing wasn't even the multiple warnings of "stop" that I heard escape from Lucas' mouth. It wasn't even the disgusted snarl that appeared on your lips once you saw the tears streaming down my face. Lucas obviously tried to pick you up off of him before you could try anything with him, but you just starting clawing him, screeching, "You don't love her, Lucas!" I remember when your head turned around to look at me. I was still standing by the doorway then, feeling too shocked to move even an inch towards you and him. I mean I walked in on you, my best friend, straddling my fiancé. My whole insides, heart and all, had abruptly torn to smithereens. I remember the soles of my feet had begun to get numb as I gazed at you, kind of in like a bizarre trance. That's probably why I couldn't move. Trust me, if I could've moved, then I would've ran and ripped you off of him. It was the amount of love that we had for each other that disabled me though. I mean since I _loved_ you so damn much. I mean since I _trusted_ you so damn much. I believe anyone who's in love has the same fear; that the love of their life might end up being stolen from the somehow. I also believe that once you trust someone so damn much, like the way I trusted you, you tend to grow terrified of the person you trust the most stealing someone so precious to you away from you. You grow so terrified that when it actually happens, your body just freezes itself. So yeah, that's why I wasn't sweeping the streets with you by your shiny brunette hair that morning. The only reason.

Anyways, back to what I was trying to explain. Although you ignited a burning flame in my soul when I saw you on top of him, that wasn't even the sad thing I was trying to tell you. Before I get to that specific sad thing though, I just want this to be said. I need it to be said. Once it's said, you'll understand what I mean when I finally talk about "the sad thing". Matthews, I thought our friendship was the strongest friendship in the universe. I'm not even saying _one_ of the strongest. I thought we were _the_ strongest, as in the one. I even went as far as to actually believe that not even two _alien_ friends could compete with us. Matthews, aliens are supposedly on a whole different planet then we are. It didn't matter to me though. You see, I didn't feel that need to have to observe other friendships to know that we, you and I, were still the strongest out of all of them. I just knew. Clearly though, I guess two alien friends could've actually managed to steal our "#1 friendship of the universe" award, if there ever was one. Matthews, you were the first person I allowed myself to fully trust, you know. You said so yourself. I…I thought our friendship was built on honesty and trust, but obviously that was just my incredibly naive way of thinking, huh? It had to be.

Matthews, the sad thing is that all the denial finally washed off me when I saw you clinging onto him. By denial, I mean that I kind of knew in high school that you still loved him, but I refused to let myself fully be aware of it. I thought by refusing to admit the many longing gazes you tossed at him, your feelings for my boyfriend would've just magically vanished. I thought that if we just didn't talk about it, the catastrophic subject wouldn't have to be brought up between us. It hurts to know that you would even bother to look at him in such a flirtatious manner. I feel like if you had just put yourself in my shoes, then you wouldn't have thought for even a second that kissing my fiancé was ok. If you want to think about what I said, then maybe I'll think about reading your second letter…because we both know I'll receive one.

-Mrs. Hart Friar


	3. Dear Maya (Letter 2)

Dear Maya,

When my eyes took notice of your letter, I almost dropped the whole stack of mail. I then remember running back into my apartment building, my breath catching. I also remember that I kept pressing the button on the elevator, thinking that if I kept pressing it hard enough, it would magically open up sooner. I remember standing there as I felt the irony settle in my stomach. After all, each morning, I leave my apartment actually _wishing_ that the elevator would end up getting stuck with me inside, but it never happens. You can say I have an extremely sucky job. I'm a barista down at some low end, trashy, or whatever you want to call it, coffee bar. I pretty much serve coffee. I also pretty much just stand there all morning, waiting for people to shout their ideal orders at me. Oh, and did I mention that the coffee bar was such a low-end one. Yeah, so the customers are never polite. That's not even all of it though. Then I get like one break at around twelve in the afternoon, only to have to come back around one. Then the next shuffle of people come in; the high school kids. And they're a living nightmare. I mean none of them clean up their area. There's always gum under the tables when they leave, which my boss makes me clean. Then I go home, sleep, the sun rises, and it starts all over again. Do I really want to know the job you have? Cause, I sure as hell know it's not being a barista. Lucas would never let you waste your life doing something so worthless like I have been doing. I bet you're an art teacher, huh? That's what you went to college for; to teach youth how to control their emotions and feelings in a healthier manner. That's probably what you're doing now.

Anyways, back to me reading your letter. Once I finally got inside my apartment, I tossed the rest of the mail on the coffee table, and plopped down on the couch. I remember I ripped it open. I also recall closing my eyes for a slight second, as I tried to gain the courage to look at the lined paper in my hand. I remember the slight hope I felt thinking that maybe Lucas just wrote to me. No, it wasn't for the reason you think. I started hoping that because if he wrote to me just to tell me to stop writing, then that would've meant that you never received my letter. I had started thinking for a slight second that maybe writing to you was a mistake. I was scared of what I would find in your letter. The emotions I knew I would start feeling while reading your letter just terrified me.

Maya, I'm not exactly in a good place right now. I….I there's something that you should know. It's something that I'm sure you'll want to know. My mom was recently diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She went to the doctors about five months ago, once she started feeling small lumps in her breast tissue. The…the doctor diagnosed her there. Apparently, she had first started feeling the slight pains in her breast tissue about two years ago. She had waved it off as the classic woman aches though. Maya, my…my mom had just waved it off to long, I guess. The…the doctors are saying that if I'm holding any hope at all, it should be incredibly slim hope. Maya, she's…she's not going to survive this. It's…its stage 4 and…and it's just not going to happen. Cory…Cory is a complete mess. He's just an utter mess. He's trying to hold himself together for us all, but I hear him. The nights I stay over at our old house to take care of Topanga and Auggie, I hear him. He cries, Maya. My father cries whenever he thinks no one can hear him. My mom is just not the same anymore, and she never will be again. Her…her beautiful brunette locks are gone now because of the chemo therapy she's been having to endure every week. Oh, and she hates it! The only reason she's even enduring it is because of us. She's not giving up because of us, but I can see how weak she's getting. I can feel it! She's exhausted, Maya. Do you know what radiation does to someone? It destroys you. It slowly eats at you. She's been vomiting at least ten times a day for the past six months. Maya, it's bad. It's horrible. It's worst then horrible. We…we don't know how long we're going to have left with her. Listen, I know that you are furious with me, but I also know how much Topanga means to you. She…she's kind of like a surrogate mother to you. I know it would mean the world to her if you would call her. The house phone is (917)-7623-6783. Give her a call please. It might even bring her a smidge of happiness; a feeling that is slowly started to become unrecognizable to her.

I keep thinking that maybe her getting breast cancer is part of my doing. You obviously know I'm a Christian. Well, if I can even call myself one after what I did to you and Lucas. I asked god for forgiveness though, Maya. I begged him for forgiveness, and although a part of me believes he has forgiven me, another part of me wonders how he even could. Then after Topanga got diagnosed, a part of my brain just kept telling me that this had to have been my karma. To be honest, I still feel like it's kind of true. Could god be trying to teach me a lesson, Maya? I…I want to believe that isn't true, but hearing my mother cry out in misery all the time, is starting to make me believe otherwise. Maya, it has to be. That must be why you're having such a fantastic, loving life. You never did something so back-stabbing to someone else like I did to you. You and Lucas both. I deserve you hating me. I deserve Lucas hating me. I deserve having to watch the strongest, most independent woman I know, my mother, having to get fed by my father most of the time, because she's even too weak to pick up her own silverware. Listen, after I read your letter, I took about an hour just thinking about everything you said to me. You described that morning in such a visual matter, that I could have sworn I was watching it happen live on a TV screen.

Maya, can I tell you something? You won't believe me, but like many things you know had to be said, this has to be said too. You described that tears rolled down your cheeks, as you stood frozen by the door that morning. You described that I clawed Lucas when he tried to move me off of him. You told me that I said he didn't love you. You described that I snarled at you. I'm not saying that I don't believe I did any of those things. I'm sure I did. However, you should know that I just don't remember. I can't remember and…and there's a reason. Drugs.

I can't believe I'm actually going to admit this to you. The truth is I started doing heroin months before Lucas proposed to you. I know your jaw probably just shot open, but it's true ok. I, daddy's little girl, did heroin. It can happen to anyone, Maya. It really can. That's exactly what I learned after I overcame the drug. Yes, I overcame it. I don't do it anymore. Now you may be asking yourself why I started doing it in the first place. I have your answer. You and Lucas.

Sincerely,

Riley Matthews


	4. Hello Matthews (Letter 2)

Matthews,

Breast…Breast cancer. Topanga was diagnosed with Breast cancer. Stage four? Matthews, I thought you were lying. I thought maybe you were lying to get attention from me. That was until I called up the number you gave me. Cory had answered my call. It was hearing my voice on the other line though that made him break down. Your father had me on the line for about two hours, Matthews. Cory then soon after finally passed my call over to Topanga. When I heard her exhausted, strained voice though, I started crying. Then she started crying with me. Once Cory heard us crying, he joined in. Soon we were all crying together. Lucas even showed a few tears once I told him the reason I was crying. The point I'm trying to make here is that just because I may be not be fond of you, it doesn't mean that Topanga didn't mean the world to me, Matthews. I am devastated! Lucas is devastated! We just thought you'd like to know.

Drugs? Are you seriously blaming your past heroin problem on Lucas and I? Explain please? Even he scoffed after I showed him. We didn't pick up a rusty, dirty needle, and jab it in your arm. Don't you dare blame us for your past problem! I mean unless you have more to share, because if you do, then do tell. Go ahead and elaborate. However, I'm glad that you stopped. Lucas and I both are. Oh, and I guess I feel a _tad_ bit better to hear that you weren't totally _coherent_ when you were on top of my fiancé, trying to make out with him. Matthews, I know that you have a hard time understanding when someone is being sarcastic, so I'll help you. I _don't_ care if you were _incoherent_ because of some drug. It doesn't make a difference! You _still_ tried to kiss my fiancé! Don't use heroin as an excuse for that ok! I'm Maya, remember? It's not going to work on me! Don't get me wrong now. Even though I may not know much about heroin, I do know that it's yet one of the many drugs that can cause someone to do _ridiculous_ things. Do I have respect for you that you told me? Yes. Does it take away the anger that I still feel because of you? The truth is I don't have much anger anymore, Matthews.

Look, Lucas and I decided something together. It took quite a lot of convincing on both our ends, but we decided anyways. We're going to take a trip up north to visit Topanga, and to speak our condolences. She was like a second mother to me. I have to see her, especially if this is the last chance I'll ever get to. I know you still live in New York too. Now I'm not saying that we need to avoid each other at all. If you're there in that house when we ring the doorbell, then I guess it's **face to face** with **changes** again, isn't it? We'll all be face to face after five years, and the change is I won't be glaring at you. I won't even be mad at you, Matthews.

You're just not someone I can trust again. Even if wanted too, I just can't see myself trusting you. You see, what was done that morning is done. It's been done. You can't take it back. We can't reverse time. It was over the minute I caught you. We were over. We're still over. We're always going to be over. That's a fact that you're gonna have to learn to live with, Matthews.

-Mrs. Hart Friar


	5. Dear Maya (Letter 3)

Dear Maya,

I apologize if I made it sound like I blame you for my past heroin problem. However, I honestly didn't mean for it to come out like that either. That was a mistake. I should've been more specific, huh? In my last letter, I mentioned that you and Lucas were the reason why I started doing heroin. Well, that's not exactly true. You and Lucas were only _part_ of the many reasons, Maya.

You know how I was always Miss Sunshine to everyone around me? I mean people at school literally referred to me as, "the girl most likely to smile herself to death". Did it ever once occur to you, to anyone, that maybe I wasn't who people assumed I was? Can you even name someone that has ever smiled as much as I have? Is that even possible? Maybe? Maybe not. Nonetheless, I can tell you that it's very _possible_ for someone to pretend to smile all the time. It's _possible_ that smiling to much is just a method that people like myself use to fool everyone. It's _possible_ that it's a method I was _extremely_ good at using. Listen, I had hid a deep, dark secret growing up about myself. I had hid it from everyone; you, my parents, Auggie, Farkle, and Lucas. My insecurities, Maya.

I hid my deepest insecurities. They weren't even normal teenage ones either. You know, like the ones where you might feel like you aren't pretty enough, or that you're too short. Those weren't any of mine. The ones I had were much more severe. Do you know what it's like to live in a house full of perfect parents, Maya? It's not as great as you'd think. I lived in a home with a perfect, _could-do-no-wrong_ , father. You saw, Maya. My _perfect_ father also taught me my academics at school. Then there was Topanga; my perfect, strong-minded, independent, and loving mother. She got offered a law firm right after graduating college. Obviously, I'm _nothing_ like her. I mean I work as a _barista_ in some low-end coffee shack for crying out loud. That was my biggest insecurity though, Maya. I was terrified that I would never be able to live up to my perfect, successful parents.

It stared in first grade when I was six. I remember sitting in the reading circle with my classmates. We all sat crisscross-applesauce on the rug with our choice of storybook in our hands. My storybook was none other than, "Green Eggs and Ham." I'm sure everyone has read it once or twice. Anyways, for some odd reason, I just couldn't read past the first couple pages. I got frustrated, my peers laughed at me, and I just couldn't sound out the words. I recall feeling quite disappointed in myself. The reason? Well, my mom had stayed up very late the night before practicing it with me. I just never quite understood why my own mother started reading at five, and I couldn't even read past two pages at six. I had two questions circle my mind that morning. Was she just smarter than me? Or, was I just retarded?

I know now that everyone has a different reading pace. I know _now_ that everyone is different, Maya. I just wish I would've realized that sooner. Maybe if I did, we'd still be best friends. Maybe if I did, I never would've latched myself onto _him_ ; that same, good ol' country boy that I met on the subway with you all those years ago. You probably know him as Lucas Austin Friar; that same blonde boy that was obviously meant for you all along. Only, my eyes just refused to open and recognize it, I guess. You want to know something? That librarian could've been right, you know. She could've been right if she had known the whole story from the beginning. She didn't though, Maya. I left something out without realizing it; something very important to us all.

Lucas smiled at you first, Maya. I think of myself wise now. I'm wise enough now to understand that sometimes a simple smile can be what ignites that special type of _flame_ into a newfound relationship, whether it's friendship, or something more. I say sometimes because I have learned that people can find love at strange times in life. People can find love at strange places in life, like me falling onto Lucas' lap. There's many different ways to find love. My mom and dad found love in only _one_ of the many ways you can; childhood sweethearts. Do you remember what I told you that Liberian said to me? She had asked me what my name was. Then she went and asked me what Lucas' name was. After she gathered her information, she asked if I liked a good story, Maya. I told you that by our old infamous bay window remember? I missed something though, Maya. We all did. I had answered the Liberian, saying, "I love good stories." Then I remember her looking at me, retorting, "Then start with the first chapter." That's the thing though, Maya. That's what I missed. How could I have started a story with Lucas when you had already began yours with him? Maya, the moment you said hi to him was the exact moment the story of Maya and Lucas started. I couldn't've have started my own story with Lucas after that, and I'm so sorry I tried, Peaches. I really am. I was just a ripe thirteen year old though. Not only that, I was a ripe thirteen year old with a specific image of what love was _supposed_ to look like in my head. How did it get there? Well, I kind of have my own parents to thank for that one.

Sincerely,

Riley Matthews


	6. Our Destination: New York

**This is not a letter chapter guys. It's a filler chapter. In the last Hello Matthews chapter, Maya told Riley that she and Lucas were going up to New York to visit Topanga. Let's just say that Lucas and Maya will be bumping into Riley at one of the last places you'd think of. In this chapter, you'll also be finding out that Lucas and Maya's married life isn't as perfect as Riley seems to believe. The couple went through something drastic that changed their lives forever. Oh, and it's in Maya's POV because it was supposed to be Maya's turn to write a letter. Likewise, I may write a second filler chapter in Riley's POV. I'm not sure yet though. If you guys review and request it, then maybe I will. By the way, I normally don't write in first person so this is going to be quite a change for me. I'm just making you aware. Anyways, read on.**

 **Maya's POV**

I'm actually here.

Maya Hart Friar has returned to New York. It's also just as crazy as I remember. The speeding cars, the frequent illegal U-turns, and the run of red-lights. It's all still here.

"Darlin', do you want some coffee?"

I got pulled out of my thoughts by my husband's gentle voice.

I looked over at him and smiled. "That sounds great right now, Ranger."

Lucas parked by a small coffee shack. I opened the door and stepped out. As soon as the familiar chilly air of New York swarmed me though, I shivered.

Lucas chuckled, taking his coat off. "Maya, I told you to unpack your coat for the specific reason that it was going to be cold."

I groaned, shivering. "It's nowhere near this freezing in Texas though."

Lucas rolled his eyes, "As you can see though," He paused, wrapping his own coat around my shivering shoulders, "We're not in Texas right now, Maya."

He encircled me in his arms from behind, kissing my coat-cladded shoulder, "Besides," I heard a touch of amusement in his voice as he continued, "when you live in the warm air of Texas for five years, and then have to return to a state that's known for its freezing weather, it's almost like hell actually hit's you!"

I laughed, grabbing his hand.

Tracing his wedding band with the tip of my finger, I smiled. "I wish we still were."

My comment made him smirk. "I recall hearing you say back in eighth grade that you would rather die than ever have to live in Texas."

I abruptly dropped his hand, quickly turning around to face him.

Narrowing my blue eyes in distaste, I tightened my lips together, "and I also recall hearing myself say that a certain little miss sunshine and I would always be best friends," I paused, dropping my hardened gaze to the floor.

Sighing, I looked back up at him with slightly defeated eyes, "but life can throw you a curve, can't it?"

Nodding, Lucas leaned in and lightly pressed his lips against the frozen skin of my forehead "Sadly." He mumbled, frowning.

"I mean life threw us anotherdevastating _curve_ when life stole _her_ away from us." I heard his tone get darker.

"It's…it's just not fair." My husband's voice cracked.

Gulping, I felt a couple tears try to leave an eye. Did he really have to bring that up right now?

If it wasn't for life's drastic _change_ , maybe Lucas and I would've had the pleasure of adding an extra Christmas stocking on the fireplace last year.

After a minute of intense silence, Lucas pulled back.

Forcing a smile, he murmured, "We're working on getting through it, right?"

I dropped his gaze, fiddling with my wedding ring.

We are. We really are. It's just sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be the same again. Lucas and I lost a miracle that night; a miracle that we'll never get back. I don't even know if the miracle was ours in the first place. That little miracle got taken from us so fast that the pain of the situation didn't register through our minds until hours later. Then you have to let the traumatic truth register through your head. You force yourself. You stop denying the truth because you realize that there's only so much time you can deny something before people start assuming you're insane. It's just not possible to keep denying the truth after you have walked across that same hall, and pass that same empty room every single morning. The night we found out that there was no need to use that room, because there was just no _her_ anymore, well it felt like scorching, burning lava was running through my veins.

It still does sometimes, especially when I think about the "what if's", like I do so often.

Biting my lip to keep my tears in, I breathed, "We're trying."

Looking back into my husband's glassy green eyes, I thought back to what Riley told me in one of her letters.

 _That must be why you're having such a fantastic, loving life._

Oh, if only she knew. If only she knew how _not_ fantastic mine and Lucas' life really is.

If only she knew.

Lucas broke the silence by grasping my hand, "Let's go get that coffee." He settled on.

What else could be said?

As soon as Lucas and I entered the coffee shack, we heard an annoyed voice holler from the front counter, "Riley, more people!"

At first I didn't think anything of the name. I mean Riley Matthews could not be the only girl in New York with that name.

However, it was that strikingly familiar voice coming from the back that made my eyes widen.

"I'm coming!" We heard the girl shout back in aggravation. "Chill your tits, Amanda!"

She did not sound like her old cheerful-self, quite the opposite actually, but there was no mistaking it either.

Oh, and my suspicions were only confirmed when I glanced over at Lucas, and saw that he was wearing the expression of a deer caught in headlights.

That was Riley Matthews.

"Amanda," I heard Riley speak again.

She sounded horrendously irrigated, as she spoke, "I was on my break, you know!"

Riley didn't notice Lucas and me because she was behind Amanda. The only thing we could see of her were large, chestnut locks resting on her right shoulder, looking extremely like her mother's, might I add. That was strange. It wasn't a bad strange though. By just staring at her long, wavy brown hair, I knew that she changed her looks. You see, Riley has always been self-conscious of her looks. It's been that way ever since we hit freshman year of high school. Her straight hair was never something she liked about herself. She has always complained that it brought out her quirky side even more. However, I never saw her reasoning. The girl has always been very good-looking. Sure, she's always been more cute, then sexy, but that's Riley for you. That's always been Riley's dynamic. She was always cute, but never sexy or erotic. The again, Riley never tried to portray the sexy image like I did.

You can't pull it off if you choose not to give yourself a chance. Riley never gave herself a chance. Not even in college. I mean instead of finding the courage to wear a short-kneed black dress to parties, like I did, she would instead wear a long, floral-print dress with black flats. Again, that was her choice. I was fine with that, you know. However, at those college parties she always seemed to find the need to look over at me dancing in my short-kneed dress, and get envious. Or, maybe it was because I was dancing with Lucas. I really don't know anymore. I…I don't know her anymore and…and that sucks. Anyways, as I stare at just her hair now, I can clearly see that her looks have changed. I wonder how much though?

I was pulled from my thoughts by a screech. "I don't care if you're on a dang break!"

By the strange voice, I knew it was that girl Amanda. "There are customers, and you're going to attend to them,' I heard a small growl escape the woman, "or else I'll tell our boss that you took an early break!"

Oh my god. Was this woman seriously black-mailing her into doing her shift?

I looked over at Lucas with my mouth slightly parted in astonishment.

"That woman is a bitch." I mouthed to him, rolling my eyes.

"I know." He mouthed back, scowling.

"Whatever." I heard Riley sigh, obviously defeated.

Did this woman always do this to her? It sure as hell sounded like it.

"That's what I thought, Little Miss _not_ Sunshine." I didn't even need to see the cruel smirk to know it was displayed all over that woman's face. "Bye."

What I thought of doing next scared the crap out of me.

"What the actual hell!" I growled, marching up to the counter like I owned the place

I guess my heart won over my brain. I might not like Riley right now, but I wasn't about to let this asshole of a lady take advantage of her

I guess Lucas had the same thought because he marched right up to the counter with me.

I caught Riley's astonished look towards Lucas and I, but I continued on anyways, "You can't seriously black-mail her into doing your shift woman!"

"Maya!" Riley about screamed. "What are you guys doing here?"

Ignoring her, I slammed my hands on the counter. "You can't just do that!"

"Maya!" Riley finally lost it, screeching. "Get out of here."

I stepped back, startled.

What the hell was I thinking?

"You," Riley stepped up to me, snarling, "can't just walk right on in here and almost jeopardize the only job I have!"

The brunette pushed my chest, "You and him," She pointed at Lucas, glaring, "need to leave!"

Lucas tugged me away from her. "Let's go Maya."

"I'm sorry, Matthews." I sighed.

Riley's ice-cold tone never melted. "Go."

As soon as Lucas and I were back outside, he turned to me. "Maya, what were you thinking?"

I sighed, leaning against the hood of our car. "I wasn't thinking." I murmured.

Looking down, I said, "Seeing that woman yell at her," I paused, as my eyes turned into a deep shade of blue, "just brought me back to those days in kindergarten when Riley was always taken advantage of." I frowned, looking up at him.

"I guess I just lost it for a second." I admitted.

Lucas smiled. "You…you still love her."

I shrugged, kicking a tiny rock with my shoe. "Maybe I never stopped."

Looking up at him swiftly, my gaze hardened. "But that doesn't mean I can trust her again either."

 **Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed reading this filler chapter. I'm going to be writing another one though because I didn't cover everything in this one. However, I hope you guys liked how I brought Riley into this. You see, I could've just wrote the clique, "Oh my god, Maya." You know, when Riley spots her and Lucas getting coffee. I wanted to go a different way though. Besides, this way you guys can clearly see why Riley hates her job! I mean who wants to work with Amanda? Lol. No one. It was also nice to see that Maya really does still care about her. Who liked the way I choose to go? Review! Love you all:)**

 **LayaxFiley1222: You'll be pleased to know that I'm not going the depressed route with Riles. I'm going the insecure route. There is a huge difference. I promise. Thanks for your great review:)**


	7. Riley's Destination: Finding Herself

**I'm bringing you guys another chapter. It's a filler chapter in Riley's POV. By the way, thanks for the reviews. It's not as many as I would have hoped, but I appreciate the one's I got:) Anyways, here we go.**

 **Riley's POV**

You know what, Amanda," My eyes narrowed down at her. "I...I shouldn't have to take this from you." I cursed myself inside for stuttering.

Maybe this wasn't going to work. Why couldn't I be as fierce as Maya? That's probably the exact reason why Lucas picked her over me. I mean I was always just a baby who needed her daddy, whereas Maya has always been a fierce, independent woman. I don't blame him anyways.

Amanda arched a perfect eyebrow. "What did you just say to me?" I watched her own hazel eyes narrow down at me.

I felt so tiny under her gaze. I have always felt so tiny under people who are more superior then I am. Maya is more superior then I am because she won over Lucas. Amanda is more superior than I am because our boss made her employer of the month. It doesn't seem to matter that I take almost every freaking shift she has ever gotten. Wait a minute though. The only reason why our boss doesn't know is because I'm just weak to stand up for myself. Why is that? I don't even care anymore. This ends now. I'm tired of letting everyone push me around. Maybe I've always been a pushover, but that ends right now.

I slammed my palms down on the table with as much force that I could muster. The force of the impact knocked down a lanky piece of silverware and a couple of napkins.

Glaring down at her with dark, hallow eyes, I whispered in calm, frightening voice. "I'm tired of letting people push me around." My tone came out as a low, feral growl.

I saw her hazel eyes widen and her mouth drop open in surprise. She took a small step back from me. "Riley, I think you're taking this a bit too fa—"

Hearing her talk over me, only made me see steam. "Shut," I paused, hissing. My vision turned red as I continued, "your mouth for once god damn second!" By the time I finished, I was shaking with raw anger.

I honestly didn't know where all this raw, feral anger was coming from. After all, it couldn't all be because of Amanda. It had to also be pin-pointed towards Maya. Maya for being hotter than I am. Maya for being more talented than I am. Maya for being fiercer. Maya for being the girl every guy just drooled over. Now don't get me wrong. In middle school, it was me. Charlie Gardner wanted me, not her. However, once we hit high school, guys asked me out just for the slim hope of getting her number. Why? Well, after summer she started high school with grown boobs, C cups, and a bigger butt than she already had. I was still flat-chested with maybe size A cup breasts, and no butt whatsoever. It's no wonder why guys drooled over her.

Why was it always about Maya?

I feel like my whole life was just about Maya.

Turning on my heel, I walked out of the café without giving Amanda even a glance.

I was beyond finished with her crappy demands.

As I got in my car and drove to my parent's house, my thoughts took me back to Maya.

I still couldn't believe what she had done. The blonde had just waltzed right on in the café, like we were still friends, and stood up for me. I just don't understand. Maya had wrote to me in her last letter that we would never be friends again. She even went as far as to demand that I need to learn to live with her decision. She wrote, and I quote:

 _We were over. We're still over. We're always going to be over. That's a fact that you're gonna have to learn to live with, Matthews_

And…and I was perfectly ok with that, I think. That's what I don't understand. I mean I didn't want to react that way to her. However, she walked right on in there like nothing changed between us. It…it was wrong. It was undeniably wrong because things have changed. I'm not the same Riley and she's not the same Maya. We're different people now. I thought we were on the same page with those letters between us. I…I don't want to be her friend again, I don't think. Those…those letters were just for closure. My goal was to apologize and…and then start my life over.

Without Maya this time.

I need to find myself, Riley Matthews, and I feel like I can't do that around Maya.

I can't be her friend again, but I don't want to hurt her.

What do I do now?


	8. Hello Riley (Letter 3)

Riley,

I don't know if you were waiting for this letter, but I just want to apologize. To be honest, I don't know what came over me. I don't even know what I was thinking. I guess seeing that Amanda chick try to take advantage of you, made me lose any shred of control I might've had coming up here. That's what I don't understand though. I shouldn't've cared, Matthews. I should've found extreme pleasure watching someone else make you feel miserable. Let me tell you something, Matthews. The grim word miserable doesn't even come close to how I felt seeing you, my best friend at the time, on top of my fiancé.

Try humiliated. I mean I had opened the door only to catch sight of her, my best friend, in the middle of creating her own "good news" with who she _knew_ was the absolute love of my life. So yeah, the word humiliated definitely deserves to be on this list, Matthews. I obviously wasn't humiliated by other people though. I mean no one was there but you, him and me, but who I did get humiliated by was far worse. You helped me humiliate _my_ _own self_. I humiliated myself by trusting you. By forcing myself to erase the doubts in my head about you, and the feelings that you carried for the one _guy_ that you _shouldn't've_ , I humiliated myself. In short, I humiliated myself by thinking that you wanted my _happiness_ as much as I wanted you to have your own.

Riley, you have always let me protect you. Matter of fact, it got to the point where you basically started to expect it from me. You had no problem allowing me to help you find your own happiness. I mean whether it was helping you talk to Lucas, or standing by your side at cheer tryouts, you had no problem with me supporting your happiness. A true friendship is and has always been a two-way street though, Matthews. I thought back to us; our friendship with each other. It's such a depressing thought that I even had to think back, but I did. Do you know what I realized, Matthews? I realized something drastic while sitting on my couch with my eyes closed in silence. It was such a slow realization, but it was still there.

Riley, I realized that you have never done anything for me that didn't benefit you. Now don't get me wrong. I still remember that time you got my mom and Shawn together. I still thank you for that, but it still benefited you. How? You may ask. Well, you thought that if I had Shawn, I'd end up leaving your father alone. Don't lie. If you made sure I had Shawn, Cory would go back to being only your dad again, huh? The fact that I thought of your dad as a surrogate father ate at your very soul, Matthews. It killed you!

Do you remember that night of the father/ daughter dance at school; the night that your dad offered his hand to me? I'm not trying to instigate you by saying this, but that dance has always been one of my most treasured memories. I'm sorry if by admitting this it upsets you, but in that short minute, I felt like I had a dad to call my own…even if it was just for _one minute_. You will never experience the harsh, depressing, manipulative and rejecting type of emotions that a child can feel once a parents walks out of their life. Listen, I never expected you to fully understand, but I did expect you to understand how special that dance was for me. You couldn't even do that for me though. I mean the second the song ended, you walked right out there, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "He's my father." Ok, so maybe it didn't go exactly how I pictured it, but it doesn't matter. You still reminded me that I didn't have a father. How could you?

Riley, I want you to know that I never fell for your devious little stunt with Shawn, but I let it go. Even though I knew your intentions were nowhere close to being pure, you still did me a huge favor. Listen, as soon as my mom walked down that aisle towards Shawn, it was then when I understood that life wasn't over for me. If my mom ended up getting her own happy ending, then there was nothing stopping me from getting mine. Not even you.

Do I also need to remind you about the winter coat fiasco? My mom had just gotten fired from her job as yet another waitress from yet another restaurant. Anyways, it was the middle of January; the coldest month of the year. You had just gotten three warm cardigan coats for Christmas. I remember them clearly too. It was a white one, a black one, and a grey one. The only presents I had gotten though were from _your_ mother and father. They had bought me one pair of jeans and a tie dye blouse. You were there of course. We opened our presents together. Oh, and of course you only opened one like I did, but it's not like I didn't notice, Matthews. It's not like I didn't notice all the new clothes that appeared in your closet on Monday morning. I wasn't stupid. I'm not stupid. Of course you got a load of gifts for Christmas. After all, your mom was a lawyer and your dad was a teacher. I didn't expect anything less. I knew that Topanga just didn't want to make me feel bad. Your mom made you and Auggie open one with me, and then waited until I left before she gave you the rest of your presents. Again, I'm not stupid ok. I always knew, but I was thankful that she bought me **something.** You don't know that feeling because you just expect things to come to you. We were two different people from two extremely different families.

Anyways, Topanga asked me if I wanted to tag along and go to the store with you guys. There were some things that needed to be returned, she had said. I accepted because it's not like I had anything better to do. We went to the store. We walked down a couples aisles and it was then when it happened. Your brown eyes had caught sight of a beautiful, red Christmas dress. You just had to have it, Matthews. You couldn't see yourself leaving the dang store without that dress.

Topanga kept on telling you, "Riley, you have already gotten plenty of presents for Christmas. That's more than enough." She had told you. "I mean you have three beautiful cardigan sweaters that you haven't even touched yet, Sweetie." Then it was like a light bulb lit up in your head. You had turned to me with the sweetest, most innocent grin on your face and said, "Maya, do you have any cardigan sweaters?" I told you the truth; that I owned one tan jacket. Now remember, this was before I even knew of a Shawn. After I admitted that though, it was like your grin only grew wider. "Do you want some extra cardigans to keep your warm then, Maya?" I remember you had said in an endearing tone. You were make it seem like you were offering your cardigans to me, but even then I noticed what your intentions really were. By offering me a couple of your cardigans, Topanga would give in and by that dress for you, and that's exactly what she did. "Oh Riley, you are so sweet." She had smiled. "Go get that dress, Sweetie. You deserve it." You played her, Matthews. You managed to play a lawyer, and I still wonder how you pulled that off.

Anyways, this letter is getting a bit too long. I'm going to let you go now. Bye Matthews.

-Mrs. Maya Hart Friar.


	9. Author's Note

**This isn't a chapter. I apologize. I have something important to discuss here.**

 **Look, I'm not a Riley hater. I promise you. That is not me. The direction of the story is making me seem like one, I know. I love that little ray of sunshine though. However, I'm not going to lie. Riley has done quite a bit of ignorant things that has made me question her friendship before. She has done** _ **exactly**_ **what Maya pointed out to her last chapter. Well, besides that whole "cardigan theory" I wrote. Then again, that is something I can imagine Riley did when she was younger. It's not that Riley is a bad person. It all has to do with how, and who she was raised by. From the minute Riley was born, she was daddy's little princess and mommy's little angel. Her mom was a big-ass lawyer which includes a good sized income. Sometimes I feel like Riley can be a spoiled little princess. It's the truth. She has done some things that have forced me to view her that ways guys. Yes, I do believe the brunette has a big heart, but I don't believe her intentions of helping Maya are always pure. She has shown otherwise many times before.**

 **For instance, like the whole father/daughter dance. Maya wanted one moment; just one. This is where I bring up Riley having a big heart full of love. She did in fact give Maya that one moment with Cor. However, she then had to just ruin it for Maya.**

 _ **Riley:**_ _There's still so many things I need you to teach me, dad. (Que happy voice)_

 _ **Maya:**_ _There's many things I need you to teach me too. (Que hopeful voice)_

 _ **Riley:**_ _Hey, he's my father. (Que annoyed voice)_

 _ **Maya:**_ _…_

 _ **Riley:**_ _You do know you're my father right? (Que nervous chuckle)_

 _ **Corey:**_ _Yes Riley, I'm very aware of that. (Que disappointed sigh)_

 _ **Maya:**_ _…_

 **Now do you guys understand why I stared at Riley with such distain in my eyes? She pretty much pushed Maya on the ground with her words. I could pretty much imagine her holding Maya down, hissing, "He's my dad, you know. Get your own."**

 **Maya stopped talking straight then. Right after Riley reminded her that Corey was her, Riley's father, she lost the hope in her eyes and stopped talking.**

 **She once again let Riley put her back in "her place".**

 **I analyze things to the point where it might look dramatic, but I do it so you can clearly see what's going on. Riley was a complete and utter bitch after that dance was over.**

 **It's not only that though. She has also thrown Maya's bad home life in her face multiple times. It's almost as if she does it to remind Maya that she's better than her. I mean that must be why Riley** _ **thinks**_ **she's the one that's supposed to date Lucas.**

 **Look, there's honestly just somethings that make me question her. That's one of the reasons I write for. I write to dig deeper into a character. This character is Riley Matthews. I promise I don't hate her guys. Please understand that:) Anyways, a new chapter should be up soon. However, I'm thinking of writer a chapter for "Too Young or Naïve? Maybe Both?" first. I'll have to see!**


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